Negotiating With Kids Means Fewer Arguments

When I was a kid my parents set the rules, and there was no discussion about whether or not we wanted to follow them. Those were the rules, and if we didn’t like them—tough! Of course, this often led to argument which resulted in punishment and constant mutterings of the words, “But it’s not fair!”

According to a recent article published by the Times of India, moms are less likely to say, “NO!” these days, at least not with the same vigor and reluctance to budge as we once did.

A recent study commissioned by social commentator, Neer Korn, suggests parents as a unit are more likely to listen objectively to their kids’ demands. The study also took a good look at the manner in which kids pester their parents. Many kids admitted to strategically gauging their mother’s mood and overall exhaustion level before attempting to ask for something they wanted.

As kids, my friends and I were more prone to play our parents against each other. If we wanted to do something or go somewhere, we always asked the parent more likely to say, “I don’t care, ask your mother.” In turn, we would go to Mom and say, “Dad said I can go to Becky’s house if you say it’s okay too.” Because we presented one parent with the other parent’s stamp of approval (even if it wasn’t really approval,) the other parent was more likely to agree and say yes.

The study on today’s kids and parents suggests moms and dads are more likely to negotiate to avoid argument and keep the peace.

What is your approach? Do you hear your kids out and encourage discussion and debate, or do you still cling to the model our parents used?

Comments

  1. Jae Roth

    July 26th, 2010 - 9:29:06 AM

    In my home and in my classroom I am the benevolent dictator. I will listen to you and consider your feelings, wants and needs but decision is final. I do not negotiate. I see the result of this lack of backbone in parents every day with kids who think rules aren't really rules, they're suggestions that can be ignored if you don't like them.

    1

  2. Patrick

    July 26th, 2010 - 3:04:18 PM

    I am not much of a negotiator. The are defined set limits and I dont really budge. Will I listen? Of course. Some things are never even considered up for discussion. Some things, maybe after my wife and I talk about it we may discuss it. Fair and firm works.

    2

Add your comment

Yahoo Search Marketing

Advertiser links are provided by Yahoo! Search Marketing through its Content Match and Sponsored Search distribution services. Content Match pairs ad listings with related content on this site; Sponsored Search matches listings to search queries from users. The listings are determined by the relevancy of keywords, and the price of advertisers' bids. For additional information on becoming a Yahoo! Search Marketing advertiser, please visit http://searchmarketing.yahoo.com